


Truth & Reconciliation

by theroomstops



Series: Moments [4]
Category: Bodyguard (TV 2018)
Genre: F/M, Fight and smut, Smut, fight, maybe a bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 20:24:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18453992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theroomstops/pseuds/theroomstops
Summary: “Congratulations, you thought it through.” His voice was sharp, bitterness dripping from every word. But she’d watched as his anger had slowly turned from a boil to a simmer as she spoke, and also knew he’d taken in everything she’d said. “Julia, you still signed off on…”“Oh fuck off, David. I’m tired.”A night of reckoning. David and Julia finally discuss the past.





	Truth & Reconciliation

**Author's Note:**

> This is set the night Julia's RIPA '18 bill goes through. Elsewhere, people (Roger, Mike) are discussing how to take her down, but in her hotel room... David and Julia finally confront what needed to be confronted. David gets his feelings out, as he should, and Julia explains her side too.

Julia heard David’s door open as she walked to stand in front of the windows, staring down the streets as the lights lit it up. People shuffling along, walking to whatever normal after-work appointments their normal lives entailed. Normalcy. The one thing she’d always avoided, and now desperately wanted to have just a small piece of. Julia Montague had known she was destined for something from a young age, and even as she’d compromised along the way, she knew they were merely insignificant stops on her road towards it. _Greatness._

David’s arm wrapped around her shoulder as released her grip, and the curtain fell to its full length again. He pressed his lips against the side of her face before he guided her towards the sofa, away from the windows. She smiled. He remained the protector, never really off duty even when his schedule said so. David leaned against the back of the sofa, his arms wrapping around her mid-section, pulling her against him. Being held had never been something Julia enjoyed; but recently everything she thought to be true about herself had been left in the backseat of a bloodied car. Turned completely untrue with the feeling of warm tiles underneath her knees. His arms were loving, and his presence more and more comforting, as the weeks passed.

His hands were cold from the fall air they’d just escaped from, and it made her shiver slightly as he rested them against the warm skin of her stomach underneath the soft, light gray silk. She leaned back against him, enjoying the feeling of him, as the memories of last night’s meeting played in her mind. His lips tenderly, and slowly, kissing their way down her neck. 

“Ella said something the other day that made me laugh…”

Julia recoiled at the words he’d just uttered, leaving a surprised David leaning against the sofa on his own, as she busied herself by hanging her coat and grabbing her case off the floor. She knew deep down that he’d only meant for it to lighten the mood after witnessing first hand how hectic and high-pressured her day had been, but she simply couldn’t. Not right now.

“Something I said?” His jaw flexed. He seemed confused, the anger consistently bubbling under the surface, the way she suspected it had since she’d met him. Politically, her day had been a success. And she knew he hated every moment of it, though he’d never said a word about politics after the one time in her flat when he’d willingly brought it up. They’d kept everything on the outside at a distance, fucking away even the notion of reality whenever it threatened to present itself.

“Let’s just try to keep this casual, alright?” She was surprised at how cold she sounded, despite the nerves that struggled within her. 

“Stop being such a coward.” David turned to face her, watching as she left her case on the desk and put a finger to her lips to shush him. She knew even that would irritate him, and she walked towards the bedroom door, assuming he’d follow. He did, stalking past her as she walked and turning to face her before she’d reached the open bathroom. 

“‘Keep this casual’. That’s all you people do - keep things at a distance. Far away from what really matters. You all sit there in that big bloody room and you decide how things should be, but you never do anything, do you?”

Julia drew a deep breath, and pulled her blazer off, followed by the shirt underneath. As David continued talking, she scoured the still unfamiliar drawers for something more casual to wear, since he seemed insistent to continue the conversation. She put on a camisole before finally coming upon her favorite oversized cashmere sweater; pulling it over her head as David kept on. 

“You lot gather around, making decisions left and right that affect everyone else, and I don’t know if even for a second you consider the consequences for someone like me. What was a simple signature for you, it’s my goddamn life, Julia. My children could have lost their father. Vic could have been left to raise them alone because you people don’t think about consequences.” He’d shed his shirt when she turned around, and seemed to be furiously working on removing his ballistics vest as the anger grew in him. They’d never discussed his presence in the war, or her role in it. Not in detail. Only drips, dancing around it as the weeks had passed. Both trying harder to ignore the facts that loomed over their heads, with each passing night they spent together in that very bed.

“You think we don’t think about the consequences? Every day I make decisions that affect people you don’t even know exist, David. Every single person in this country is my responsibility in the end. The Queen, or the fucking PM. Homeless people in Sheffield that can’t get food for three days. There’s currently a four year old that’s dying because her parents can’t afford to look for options we don’t have available to them yet. Do you think **I** take any of that _lightly_? Do you think we sipped on a glass of champagne and then signed a few dozen troops off to war, before we all went home to our mansions?” She walked towards the bed, picking up her blazer to hang it properly. “You really like to claim the moral upper hand, David, but you have no idea what it’s like. Sometimes you have to sacrifice the safety of a few to save many.”

“And I don’t believe that, Julia.” He shook his head. “Any life, _any_ , is as valuable as the next.”

“I don’t dispute that, but it’s not black and white. You may believe I live in a bubble, but you do too. You walked around down there; proud to serve your country, but not _really_ believing in the cause you were fighting. You saw the good things. You saw the people genuinely trying to change their own situation, and you felt for them. I understand that. I probably would have done that too in your situation. It’s heartbreaking, isn’t it? Most people are just doing their best in the dreadful situations they were put in. Your reaction is very human, and it’s probably even the right one to have, if there is such a thing.” She sat down on the bed, looking over at him as he leaned against the wall, one hand holding him up, the other clenched into a fist. To contain his rage, she presumed. 

“But you have no idea what it’s like to have _all_ the information, not just one side, and sometimes only minutes to reflect about the whole picture. To consider right and wrong. To make decisions every day that will affect people for a lifetime, with no magic mirror to predict what will happen. There aren’t two sides to everything, David. There are a thousand. All these people trying to win, there are villains everywhere and a lot of heroes in the shadows, and none of it is as simple as simply putting pen to paper.”

“Congratulations, you thought it through.” His voice was sharp, bitterness dripping from every word. But she’d watched as his anger had slowly turned from a boil to a simmer as she spoke, and also knew he’d taken in everything she’d said. “Julia, you still signed off on…”

“Oh fuck off, David. I’m tired.” She really was. Tired of all of it. Talking, discussing, planning, handling secret deals and the monsters that came attached to them. She was in a storm, the hails hitting her from all angles, exactly as it had felt like bullets would not long ago. Being imaginary did not make them feel non-threatening. And now her one refuge, her only distraction from all of it, refused to leave everything well enough alone. Just fucking perfect.

“No. You’re going to have this conversation, Julia, because we both lay in that bed and agreed this,” He gestured between them, his anger rising again. “Could be a ticking bomb. And I don’t know about you, but risking my job for you doesn’t really say _casual_ , does it? I’ve been married, and I’ve been faithful to my wife since we met. I don’t do… this. I don’t sleep with women on a whim just to make myself feel better. I don’t have affairs. But here I am. I have no idea what _we_ are, or why I keep coming back here. You’re keeping things from me, and ---“

“You’re lying to me too!” Her voice had been louder than she intended, but he ignored her and raised his voice as he continued.

“... being evasive and cold. But then we get to this room and it’s like you’re a whole different person.” 

He leaned against the desk as he drew deep breaths, looking at her intensely, then more softly. “I’m confused, Julia. And I’m torn. I despise some of the things you do. I loathe the party and everything it stands for. Standing outside different doors during the day, knowing you’re in there making decisions that’ll affect my children. And I don’t trust any of them to do the right thing. I want to trust you, Julia. My gut tells me to trust you. But every time I think I’m figuring you out, something new happens. There’s all this… mud between us. Making everything murky and untouchable. We’ve established that you have no problem using my attraction to you to stop me from asking questions. But most of the time here, with me, you’re open and vulnerable, and out there you’re...”

“What, a monster?” Now her voice was the cold one. He wasn’t right about her, but he wasn’t wrong either.

“No. You’re just different.”

“I have to be. If I showed everyone this side of me, I wouldn’t be in this situation to begin with, would I? I wouldn’t be _here_ at all.”

A twinge of what looked like guilt crossed his face. It disappeared quickly, but his face had been softer, his jaw unclenching slightly as if he’d wanted to say something, before he’d quickly tensed up again. She sighed, biting her lip as she wondered why she wanted to rush over and apologize for being utterly bad at this. She fought easily, mightily and often. She had no trouble telling anyone off, but then she didn’t really care what they thought of her. He’d cracked her fucking heart open, challenged her in ways no one ever had, and no one had given her any tools how to deal with that sort of a thing. To fight about things that really mattered. Rows with Roger had been ugly, but clinical. Deep feelings were rarely hurt, only pride and egos. 

This row cut deeper than any marital spat had, and it had been inevitable, she knew that now. She longed to get to the other side, to hopefully end up with him between her legs, staring down at her with tenderness and lust, rather than the mix of rage and sadness she was seeing now. She decided to make an attempt to diffuse, if only for a break, she needed a drink if he insisted on pulling all the skeletons out of her closet.

“Do you remember my campaign, David?” He shook his head. “No, you don’t, because it was quiet. No scandals, no memorable front pages. My opponents were far more emotional. I kept my mouth shut, presented the platform and continued to do my job. I let my record back up my words, and I tried not to make promises I wouldn’t keep. I was elected to this job _because_ I was cold and collected. People didn’t want to invite me around for tea, but they did trust me enough to vote for me. I keep everyone at a distance, David. It makes it easier to make the decisions I’m required to make. So I don’t want to hear about your children, because I’m acutely aware that everything I fucking do impacts them. Generally. Or in this case very specifically.”

Julia sighed, and watched as David’s face eased, the tension slipping slightly, though not completely. She stood up and walked towards him. He leaned against the wall and stared at her. She paused in front of him, his eyes looking up to meet hers as she leaned in to press her lips softly against his. “I don’t want to hear about Ella, or Charlie, because whenever you mention them, it reminds me that you should probably be with your family. And selfishly, I don’t want you to leave. I’m sure Ella’s joke is lovely, and I appreciate that you wanted to lift my spirits, but I just can’t. Not yet. Not now.”

“Do you want wine?” He nodded, taking her hand in his as a sign of pausing whatever it was – a row or honest discussion - they’d just had. She kissed him again, leaning in with a hand on his chest as her tongue parted his lips slightly before she walked away again. He followed, a slight smile on his lips as they moved into the next room.

________________________

 

“Why does it have to be so black and white? Why can’t you meet them in the middle?”

“On what?” David watched as Julia took another sip of her wine. Having wine together had become a habit. The further they’d moved past the line of acceptable behavior, the less he cared about the rules. He suspected everyone did care about the rules somewhat, but David Budd had never been one to break any. Not until he’d met her, this woman who had turned his whole world-view upside down. Fallen for a fucking Tory. Utterly surprised by her unintended charm, then deeply grateful for her helpfulness, and then finally falling into her bed. He craved learning about her. Everything he knew he knew via the press or the Internet, but Julia Montague was so different to what everyone said she was. Even being so close to her, he couldn’t get through all her layers, the way he easily read other people. The only thing he’d truly seen at first was the loneliness. Recognizing in her what he knew all to well within himself.

“That RIPA act. Do you think you’ll ever get everyone to agree to being monitored? The government able to spy on them whenever they want.”

“That’s not what we want to...”

“I’m not the bloody opposition leader, Julia, don’t do your usual song and dance with me. What if it was you? What if people were listening in on all of your conversions?” He could see a moment of unease strike across her face before she caught herself. He was playing with fire, and well aware of it. But there was a reason he’d recorded her conversations as Sampson and Craddock had forced him to, and yet very much a reason he hadn’t betrayed her by giving them away as he was supposed to do.

“Then you and I would have a problem, wouldn’t we?” She looked at him pointedly and sighed before she shifted in her seat. David drank of his wine and watched her fidget with her sweater as she continued. “Any other conversations would be a disaster too, confidentiality and things considered. I’m not an idiot, David, I do know it’s complicated.”

“Why do you have so many private meetings with Hunter-Dunn?” She looked at him again, the wine rolling in her mouth as she stared him down. “I overhear things. Anne Sampson and Mike Travis, they’re not happy.”

“I can’t tell you why.” She said, quietly. She’d looked down as she answered, and he felt the uncertainty in the air, knew she was probably telling the truth about that if nothing else, but decided to press on.

“Who is that bloke, Longcross? I checked, he doesn’t exist.”

“I can’t tell you that either.” 

“Are you in danger, Julia?” He wanted to ask if she was being blackmailed. If she was being forced to do things, as he was. But he couldn’t bring himself to say it, not after their argument earlier.

“There are a lot of things in my job that I’m not allowed to tell you, David.”

“Julia,” He took the half-empty wine glass from her hands as he leaned over, forcing her to look at him. “Are you in danger?”

“No.” Another lie, he knew that now, seeing her lip red from biting it as she looked down at her hands in her lap. He should be mad. Wanted to be mad. But he could practically see the fear radiating off of her face, and decided to leave it alone.

“How do _you_ see this ending, Julia? Between us?”

“I‘m not sure.”

“Then maybe it’s time to decide. Or stop.”

“Is that what you want?” He didn’t answer her, only sighed and placed his glass on the table in front of him. “If you want to leave, David, you should leave. This wasn’t wise to begin with.”

“I don’t _want_ to go, Julia. But I have no idea how to stay sane in all of this. I want to punch something every time you lie to me. It feels like you’re in danger, like you’re trapped in something, and I feel this - - -“ He tried to find the words, struggled to express his anger and fear as he watched her sit up and look at him. “I feel an instinct to save you from it, but I don’t know how.”

She seemed grateful, a small smile appearing on her lips, the first real one he’d noticed all day. She inched forward to take his hands in hers, letting them rest in her lap as she looked at him and spoke quietly. 

“Alright, I won’t lie to you. Though if I say I can’t tell you, you’ll have to trust that that is the truth. But I won’t lie to you again, I promise that.” He couldn’t say anything. Couldn’t find the words to respond in the right manner, so he kissed her, hoping it would be enough for now. He believed her.

________________________

 

He looked up from his phone, watched as her brows furrowed and eyes narrowed while they flickered between the two papers. No clue what they were about, but she sighed as she threw them to the side and picked up her computer instead. When she brought the pillow over to rest the computer on, he unhappily registered that she was settling in for more work and he had no plans to allow it. They needed to finish off whatever had happened earlier with sex. Diffuse, relax, come together again - literally and emotionally. He threw his phone to the side and slid across the sofa until he reached her. After their fight, she’d assured him that she only needed an hour for work, and he had patiently waited as it had passed the hour four whole minutes ago. He untangled her legs, watched as she looked at him sternly and then went back to her reading.

“I have very generously…” His hands found her bare knees, slowly moving upwards as he let his lips trail where his hands had been. “Waited an extra five minutes. You should go to bed, Home Secretary.”

“And you intend to let me sleep, do you?”

“Experts say you sleep better after an orgasm, did you know that?”

“Really? I’m finding I’ve never slept less than I do these days.”

“Any regrets?” She opened her mouth to respond, just as his lips trailed their way up her inner thigh, and he smiled against her skin, closing his eyes to enjoy the moment. He looked up to find her clutching the computer over his head, eyes closed and clearly anticipating more. She bit her lip and looked disappointed when he sat back. She seemed confused, still holding onto the device when he pulled her roughly from her seated position and was rewarded by a shriek.

“Shhh--”

He was glad, though he didn’t really care _that_ much, to see the computer land by her side, on top of the stack of papers. He gave her no time to gather her thoughts as he leaned in, a firm hand grasping onto his hair as he found his intended spot. He pushed the silky underwear aside, feeling her move around to make it easier as his tongue dove in and lapped hungrily. Sounds fully muffled by her thighs firmly around his head, but he could feel the way her body moved heavily with deep breaths as he continued to play her cunt with his mouth, like an orchestra. She never did leave any doubt of how much she enjoyed his exploration of her body. It was rather intoxicating actually, refreshing to hear the enthusiastic way she enjoyed every touch, every move he made. Her hand was still gripping tight against his scalp, threatening to tear his hair off as she convulsed against his tongue with a deep sigh.

________________________

 

She laughed slightly as she leaned back against the soft pillows, a satisfied smile on her lips as he inched closer.

“Thank you for not wearing trousers, Ma’am.”

“Thank you.” It came out as a soft, breathless pant as she tried to breathe normally. His hand pulled on her sweater before she caught his wrist and whispered; “Shall we take this to the bedroom? Maybe we can both sleep well tonight.”

He grinned sexily, easing back as he stood on his feet, holding his hand out for her to take. Before she could wrap her hand in his, he pulled the sweater over her head, smiling appreciatively before putting his finger in front of his lips, very much to her confusion. She let out a brief squeal as he grabbed her, pulling her over his shoulder awkwardly as he walked quickly towards the bedroom, throwing the door shut with his foot. She giggled uncontrollably as he put her down on her own feet. His eyes were so dark with desire when they met hers, it almost made her shiver, and immediately halted any laughter.

“I think we did alright for our first fight.”

“Do you?” She felt sort of proud. Grateful they’d survived, but not looking to try it again anytime soon.

“We’ll never be the same. We won’t agree on a lot of things. But I’m still here because I do like you. Maybe I need my head checked.” He chuckled, and she could feel her lips curl into a smile. He was utterly charming, in all his stoicism, even when she wasn’t sure if what he’d said was entirely a compliment or not.

“And I told you, I don’t need you to vote for me. You’re here to protect me.” Her fingers moved against his chest, feet making soft sounds against the floor as she walked around him as she spoke. His head following her as best he could, her voice lighter and soft, with a hint of bad intentions. “And, as it turns out, I do need extra close protection these days. Lots of bad people out there, might have to double check you’re up to the task.”

“Ma’am.” He tried to hold back a smirk, unsuccessfully, and she stepped in front of him again.

“By all means, prove yourself.” One finger caressed his cheek, only one. She was happy to take note of his body already responding to her brief seduction, when she looked into his eyes and whispered, “Fuck me.”

“ _Ma’am._ ” He growled, his hands slightly ticklish against her sides, as he lifted and threw her onto the bed. She landed with a thud and a thrilled shriek, butterflies swirling in her stomach as she watched him crawl on top of her. Maybe the fight had been good for them. It was out in the open now. They weren’t keeping the world out with sex, they’d let it bubble over and it had been fine. Him between her legs as the night rolled in, just as she’d wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> This 'Moment' ends here as it turns into the scene that will forever lovingly be nicknamed 'Poundtown', after the excellent gif in an article named that. AKA the hot sex that happened before the strangling. No need to write that, as that scene is pretty clearly perfect as it is.


End file.
